after earthquake

After recovery program doing some facilitating program for youth in Kepek and Pucung Growong...
Now I'm start doing King's Switch..
King's Switch is an opera..about mad woman named Calon Arang and her beautiful daughter Ratna Manggali or Manjali.
Why i only typed these 2 names ? Ya..because the text is about woman, relation ship between daughter and mother, about trust and hope, about dream of life and curse.
I found myself in this text, mostly in Manjali text, it's really remains me about my relationship with my mother.
My mother is a widow, that in my culture, Javanese, it's taboo in our family, that a woman divorced and left by her husband.
But my mother keep put her head high and speak loud mean while i keep crying silently and feel less.
Until I graduated from high school my mother kind a plant her hope for me become a "working in an office woman" but now I'm working as an actress.
Somehow it was made my mother very disappointed..and my choose to learn art seriously was kind of curse to her.
Maybe I already killing her hope and dream and until now i never felt enough to make her proud..and I know I'm still not good enough to make her proud.
But I have times in my hand.
Manjali is more sad...I think..because Calon Arang Died..and I'm still searching in this source work week Manjali, what do you want then?